Flashback.

It's the start of 2006, I am in year 8, a few months 13.
I went to a bluelight disco with some friends (man, I was so cool back then).
They pressured me into hooking up with some random, his name was Tom, it was really terrible but I guess I enjoyed it at the time.
Afterwards, I was standing with a couple of friends outside the toilets and he comes over, saying he wants to talk to me.
He asks me if I want 'to go all the way' with him.
I say '...uhhh, no' hug him and walk away.
I was 13 for god's sake, THIRTEEN!


Random fact: The first time I had sex I got bored.
Physical intimacy in general bores me, I can only think of one occasion when I haven't been bored; I was fucking trashed at the time.

Hahaha, just a little bit of mine and Claire's creative genius.

I Never Said I'd Take This Lying Down

I am angry.
Like, seriously angry.
You do not own me, I don't have to ask your permission to live my life.
It's MINE, not yours so fuck off or I swear to god I will snap.
I am currently smashing the keyboard, this is a whole year of anger.
You are irrational, and your psych out was unjustified, hear that? It was FUCKING UNJUSTIFIED!
Oh? What's that? You're upset because I'm spending lunch with the person who I've liked this entire year instead of with you? WELL TOO FUCKING BAD!
I don't even understand why you're upset; I mean, how does that make any sense?
And then you use everything you've ever done for me against me. Do you only do nice things for me so you can use them against me when I do something that doesn't fit with your 'grand plan' for my life.
I don't want anything from you ever again, ever.
How did I get myself into this abusive relationship? I can feel that I'm losing myself and becoming another you. But I won't become that cold, heartless, clingy bitch, it is not me.
This was the last straw, I am sick of trying to please everyone, sometimes people deserve to be hurt.

This Is It; I Am Together

People keep changing
Rearranging
Everything I thought I knew
Moving places
Keeping faces
Trying to get closer to You
Foolish antics, disapproving looks
They’ll never be close to the truth
This happened all to soon

Don’t blame me
I only watched as it all fell down
And you stood there
Watching the sky crumble around you
Pick up the pieces
Put them together
Tell me you’ll never
Fall apart again

Remember the time
When I was mine
All I ever needed was me
Same old places
Changing faces
I’ve seen all I need to see
Go back to familiar scenes
Search old places for the truth
This happened all too soon

Don’t blame me
I only wanted to see you fall
Why just stand there
Acting like you never cared less
Breaking the pieces
Pulling them apart
I go back to the start
To watch it all again

Don’t blame me
I only wanted to see you fall
While you lie there
Watching your world crumble around you
Pick up the pieces
Pull them apart
I want to go back to the start
To watch it all again

It's 11pm and it's going to be a while until I get to sleep, mum has people over and they're talking really loudly and laughing stupidly.
I wonder if my teacher will care if I fall asleep during chem tomorrow..?

So anyway, I figured I'd do a bit of musing...
First topic of debate: The upcoming election.
FYI, I can't actually vote, much to my disgust, I was very annoyed that they pushed it forward.
But if I could, I would never in a million years vote Tony Abbott, he is a prat for lack of a better word.
Julia has her charms, being a woman is very much in her favour, but I can't differentiate labor policies from liberal.
So greens it would have to be, I'm liking their stance on gay marriage. I would like to know that if I ever fell in love with a woman I could marry her if I so desired.

Second topic: My health.
I have come to the conclusion that I have gained weight this year, over the road privileges are going to be the death of me, and so I must cut back.
(Haha, how long will this last?)
Long enough to save my acceptably shaped body, I hope; I can still pull of a dress quite well.

Third topic: The people I associate with.
Most are fine...Some drive me insane. I tire of people easy anyway, so if you're annoying AND a person then my tolerance is low indeed.
Remember to back off before I snap, psych out and kill everybody, because I'm finding it hard to feign interest in the things some people say.
You'd have to be pretty self obsessed to not notice the way my eyes focus on other things and they way they don't join my mouth pretending to laugh.

Oh, god.

I don't think I can be bothered listening to your crap anymore because I honestly no longer care.
And I'm trying to feel bad about this fact, but I can't.
It has been going on for far too long, I get the feeling you just drag your problems out.
I have met people going though far worse things than you who have not complained half as much.
I have been through worse than you, but you don't see me bailing up my friends just to complain and lecture them.
So seriously, you need to get the fuck over it before you have no friends left.